He set up the hook, sinker and bait in his preferred manner, then stood beside me for over two hours, catching nothing. I was catching fish, so out of kindness, I showed him my approach. He acknowledged, smiled and persisted with his preferred method, convinced that sooner or later, the fish would find him. They didn’t.
John is brilliant, college educated and sports rough dreadlocks. He has struggled for years to find a decent job. Having interviewed, hired and fired people for large companies, I suggest that he trim down the locks and make them very neat for a while, look more corporate and interview for the job he wants. Upon getting it, he can prove his value and then begin to grow his locks again. He acknowledges, smiles and persists with his preferred self-expression, convinced that sooner or later, companies will appreciate and want to hire him for his authentic self. They haven’t.
Do you struggle in futility to find success with the job/business, relationships, or any other system in which you desire to excel? Could it be that you are refusing to learn how the system works, adapt to it and make it easy for others to say YES to you? Life will not change to accommodate your authentic self. You must figure out the rules by which it works and then adapt your thinking and behaviors to fit its ways. Observe the behaviors, protocol, dress code, language, and other practices of successful people in your field and emulate them, even if it means changing your natural, authentic ways for a while. The proverbial system is neither fair nor unfair; it works the way it works. If you want to be successful in it, you must change to suit it.
QUESTION:
- But doesn’t that make me a sell-out or hypocrite? And shouldn’t I be true to myself?
- How does one know when one is in this position—it is often difficult to see one’s self objectively?
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One of my favorite quotes advises that only a fool will continue doing something the same way and expect a different result. Obviously, the world is full of critics, complainers and fault-finders – it is easier to do those things than it is to confront our own deficiencies and make the necessary changes in order to have more favorable circumstances. This article is an excellent one and the advice is on point; afterall, we are the ones who came into the world/system and we will be the one to leave it, not the other way around so it is up to us to be observant critical thinkers who are purpose driven and deliberate in how we spend our time and resources.
Will it not make us hypocritical to put aside our authentic self in order to gain what we want from the system? Here’s another way to look at it – every single individual in the world have a unique outlook on life, a different personality. How logical is it for each person to have a ‘system’ that works exactly as they prefer? Isn’t it easier to just ‘BE’ the system? Anyway, I’ve always believed that we are all hypocrites, in one way or another. In this context though, we have to recognize the unlimited capabilities of the spirit within us. If nothing else, it is adaptive.
Whether or not we are willing to confront ourselves and our shortcomings does not change the fact that we have faults and strengths too. Might as well we see it for what it is and move on. If we pay attention to the patterns of our life – the people we interact with, the places where we go, the outcome/s of our choice/s….. we are only a ‘DECISION’ away from change. One that may help us to be at peace – with ourself and the system.
Millicent