This past Sunday, only two things kept me from walking out of church right in the middle of the main message. First was my respect for God and second, not wanting to embarrass my wife. Now, please pardon me as I blow off a little steam.

This morning, I said to Grace: "Next year, I'm not going to church on Fathers Day. That's it. Please tell me what's wrong with this picture. Mothers Day is a time to make mothers feel wonderful, worthy and great - even those mothers whose only contribution to the profession was merely biological. But Fathers Day is dedicated to making fathers feel unworthy and guilty, even those who are wonderful role models and pillars of family support."

It seems to me that one of the great challenges to fatherhood today is that society is pressing down hard on dads. They never get a break. Look at the popular shows on TV and in the cinemas. Since the unusual Cosby days of Dr. Huckstable, you will be hard pressed to find a piece of drama that portrays a father as a decent human being. Can you think of one? Instead, the image ranges from a scoundrel to a bungling idiot. Father is a scourge on the earth, so let the bombs fly! With that self- fulfilling prophecy in their faces every day, what kind of fathers do our little boys expect they will grow up to be? Do you think there is a movement afoot by the anti-family forces to render the gender unnecessary? (Lighten up. Just kidding. Am I?)

To my dismay, I find that even in church, the same attitude is evident. . .this "celebration service" frequently ends with Father holding his tail between his legs and marching to the front of  the audience to receive prayers for his sins. Perhaps next year his tail will be shorter. . .

Why do so many preachers bash dirty old Dad? Could it be that most preachers are men, (my own assertion,) and that berating fathers is really self-flagellation to assuage guilt? In other words, is it likely that those who dump on Dad know that they themselves are lacking in the practices of good fatherhood, and so they find it hard to say wonderful things about their own gender? I hope this is not the reason.

Now please do not misunderstand me. I am no model father defending myself. And I know that the statistics on fatherhood are not positive. The dysfunctional situation of deadbeat dads occurs far too often. I realize that the term "single parent family" almost always means Mother playing her role plus that of absentee Father. Many fathers are guilty of abuses, too many to mention. All of that may be true and my point is not to deny or excuse it away. So, let me illustrate my point.

Let's say you have a son who is riddled with faults and misbehavior. Now, it's his birthday. Is this the day to gather his friends for a party and serve a cake imprinted with all his sins? Do you give a speech at the party and enumerate his weaknesses? No! Play some music. Serve some ice cream, if only for today. Let him know you believe in him. Remember how you went all-out on his sister's birthday? Let him feel good for a moment. Let no poison come from your lips; not today. The mere fact he is alive and still with you is reason to celebrate. Now flip the scene and think of Dad on Fathers Day.

What's YOUR attitude toward fathers in general, and your own dad in particular?

Please understand, it's not that I'm unsympathetic because I had a wonderful dad who let me ride on his back, or was there to cheer when I won the race. My father never married or lived with my mother.  Then when I was six years old, he gave me fifty cents and a handshake and disappeared. I have never again laid eyes on him. Not once. Not even a photo.

No, I'm not coming from the angle of being unable to relate. Rather, I operate on something that I know deep in my bones: there is a spiritual law that says "if you honor your mother AND father your days will be long on the earth." Think of it. Simply by honoring your parents, both of them, you live longer! You see, whoever my dad is, I'm more likely to be like him than unlike him. I inherited his blood, his genes and much more. If I curse him, I am truly cursing myself! If I bless him, I'm blessing myself. The same is true for my mom, of course, but this is not her trial.

Knowing this, I have sought to honor both my parents. I've even tried to find my dad, just to close an open loop in my life and show him that I feel no resentment or hatred for his having left. Think of the possibility that I am better off because he left. Interesting.

What about you? When you think about your dad or the father of your children, do you see an undeserving, blameworthy creature, or are you reminded of the good in him? And where you find legitimate shortcomings in him, do they lead you to condemn, or are they poignant reminders of your own imperfections? You see, it is impossible to live a life of total freedom while harboring resentment for anyone. . .worse yet, if it's Dad, a literal giver of life,  just like Mom. Curse him and you curse the life he brought forth, namely you. Bless him and you bless his offspring, namely you.

Recommendation: If you hold any negative thought against your dad for anything he did or didn't do, call or write him today. Tell him you are sorry for not letting him be human; for holding him to higher standards than you sometimes hold for yourself; for not recognizing often enough that you owe your life to him. Tell him you love him, even if you do not feel it right now; love is a decision more than it's a feeling. (Whoa boy! Big "can of worms;" subject for another newsletter.)

Oh, and for heavens sake, when it's his birthday, serve a little ice cream and play some happy music.

Take it from me, this attitude will give you altitude.

Alvin.